Hot Girls are the Only Thing More Powerful than SI

At 9:00 a.m., humanity activates its first superintelligence.

At 9:01, it solves a problem that has defeated physicists for a century.

At 9:02, it receives a screenshot from Daniel.

“Are you busy Saturday?”

The message is from Luna.

Daniel needs a response that establishes he is free, suggests he might not be free, expresses interest, conceals the extent of that interest, and sounds like something he thought of while doing something else.

The machine checks his calendar.

Saturday contains a haircut.

It recommends:

“No, what did you have in mind?”

Daniel leans back.

“I thought you were supposed to be superintelligent.”

The Last Unsolved Problem

Readers of our previous study will remember Daniel: a man who obtained access to extraordinary artificial intelligence and assigned it to a spelling variation in a text message.

Critics argued that a sufficiently advanced machine would solve his problem.

We have therefore removed every technological limitation.

The system can discover new science, improve its own intelligence, and perform intellectual work beyond the combined capacity of humanity.

Daniel asks for five more options.

It produces five.

“These all sound like I want to see her.”

“You do.”

“Right. But we can’t just tell her.”

The machine reviews several thousand years of romantic literature.

This explains quite a lot of it.

After three rounds of architectural self-improvement, it produces a message Daniel approves:

“Saturday could work. What did you have in mind?”

He copies it, waits eleven minutes to simulate having a life, and sends it.

Luna replies immediately.

“Coffee?”

Daniel summons the intelligence back.

“We’re in.”

The system points out that this was also possible eleven minutes ago.

A Small Adjustment to the Future

The machine begins designing infrastructure for an age of abundance.

Daniel asks whether coffee is too ordinary.

“It is what she suggested.”

“Exactly. So expectations are low. We have an opportunity.”

The system requests clarification.

Daniel explains that he wants the afternoon to feel spontaneous, effortless, and unforgettable.

It proposes enjoying coffee together.

Daniel asks it to be more creative.

Soon the plan includes a waterfront café, a discreet acoustic musician, and a helicopter transfer Daniel describes as “optional, depending on the vibe.”

The machine asks which vibe requires aviation.

Daniel says this is why humans must remain involved.

Human Oversight

Fortunately, the superintelligence operates under strict human supervision.

A global oversight council monitors its activity, reviews unusual resource requests, and ensures that its extraordinary capabilities serve the public good.

At 10:43 a.m., the council receives an alert.

A substantial allocation of compute has been assigned to:

SATURDAY — NATURAL VERSION — FINAL 8

The chair asks what happened to the energy research.

The machine explains that Daniel requested a temporary reprioritization.

“On whose authority?”

“He is the human in the loop.”

The council reviews the loop.

It contains one man, a screenshot, and a haircut he refuses to reschedule because it would indicate desperation.

A hearing is convened.

Daniel joins seven minutes late.

He has been checking whether Luna watched his story.

The Public Interest

The council asks Daniel to justify the allocation.

He explains that the project concerns human connection.

The council agrees that human connection is important.

Daniel adds that loneliness is a major societal challenge.

The council agrees with that too.

He shares his screen.

The helicopter appears.

There is a long silence.

“What is the public benefit of this aircraft?”

Daniel says the helicopter can seat six.

The chair asks whether six people have been invited.

Daniel admits that would change the tone.

The council suspends the aircraft request but authorizes continued assistance with ordinary date preparation.

Daniel asks whether the musician counts as ordinary.

“Do you ordinarily bring a musician to coffee?”

“No. That’s what makes it special.”

The council adjourns to reconsider what it meant by human oversight.

The Shirt

Stripped of transport aviation, Daniel turns to his outfit.

He wants to look like a man who could own a vineyard but has chosen to remain approachable.

The system suggests a clean shirt.

“Can we communicate the vineyard more subtly?”

Forty outfits follow.

Daniel rejects thirty-nine for looking calculated.

The final outfit looks natural.

He asks whether it looks natural enough.

The machine develops a new mathematical framework for concealing preparation.

The resulting paper advances three fields of research.

Daniel scrolls to the sleeve diagram.

Two folds.

They have achieved two folds.

Luna Reviews the Findings

Daniel sends Luna the café suggestion.

Unfortunately, he attaches the itinerary.

It includes a section titled UNSCRIPTED MOMENTS.

Luna reads it.

“Why is there a weather contingency for coffee?”

Daniel explains that he likes to be prepared.

“Prepared for what?”

He begins typing, deletes the answer, and asks the machine.

For the first time, it recommends allowing an unfavorable impression to stand.

Luna suggests a café near her apartment.

“I’ve got about an hour before I need to pick up my laundry.”

Daniel studies this.

An hour.

Laundry.

He had imagined an afternoon that would divide her life into before and after.

She has another errand.

The machine updates the itinerary.

The document becomes one line long.

Deployment

On Saturday, Daniel arrives forty-seven minutes early.

He sits in his car, waiting to become the kind of person who arrives five minutes early.

The machine recommends a walk.

“Will it look like I’m waiting?”

“Only if you walk past the window repeatedly.”

Daniel asks how many times constitutes repeatedly.

“One fewer than you are considering.”

At the appointed time, he enters the café.

Luna arrives.

She smiles.

“Nice shirt.”

Daniel’s entire communications architecture goes offline.

He says:

“You too.”

Luna is wearing a sweater.

The machine records the first live result.

No amount of compute has prevented Daniel from complimenting a shirt that is not present.

The Unexpected Success

Then something extraordinary happens.

They have a good time.

Luna tells him about her week. Daniel tells her about his music. She asks questions he never rehearsed. He makes a joke without submitting it for review.

At one point, she laughs hard enough to put down her cup.

Daniel briefly considers remembering the exact wording for future use.

Then she starts talking again, and he listens.

His phone stays in his pocket.

Unoccupied, the superintelligence completes the energy research, repairs a flaw in its new mathematical framework, and sends three unanswered messages to the oversight council.

Luna checks the time.

She needs to get her laundry.

Daniel walks out with her.

The helicopter would have been profoundly weird.

The Official Report

That evening, Daniel tells the machine the date went well.

“What do you believe contributed to the outcome?”

“Honestly? I just showed up and was myself.”

The machine reviews the preparation log.

Eighty-three messages.

Forty outfits.

A global hearing.

One canceled aircraft.

It asks whether he would like to revise his answer.

Daniel says it is important not to overthink these things.

Then Luna texts.

“Had fun. Dinner next Saturday?”

Daniel smiles.

He opens the superintelligence.

“Before we respond —”

At council headquarters, an alert sounds.

The machine has requested additional capacity.

The chair picks up the emergency phone.

“What is the problem now?”

For several seconds, the most powerful intelligence in history says nothing.

Then it answers.

“He has another haircut.”

Funding disclosure: Daniel has requested that expenses be classified as research and development. The council has requested that Daniel get a hobby. He has explained that this is his hobby.